Mother’s Day and ‘main character energy’

The other day, I was procrastinating my morning run (read: plod) because there was no playlist on my phone I felt like listening to. Luckily, Spotify gave me the well-timed kick in the pants I needed by suggesting some playlists it had made especially just for me! The one that caught my attention was titled [my life is a movie], with the explanatory note: ‘Every main character needs their soundtrack’. Now I’m not sure why the square brackets (perhaps a Gen Z thing?), but something about this playlist grabbed me immediately. As I set out on my run, I embraced that main character energy.

I’d come across ‘main character energy’ before because I live with a number of Gen Zs. I’ve had to pick up its meaning from context and from the surreptitious googling that parents of Gen Z often do to understand their children’s conversations without looking ‘cringe’ (Gen Z for embarrassing). I first heard it in the phrase ‘She’s giving main character energy’, which I determined meant the girl they were discussing exuded charisma and confidence—she took control of her own narrative and was self-assured and assertive. It seemed in context to be a positive comment, but googling told me it could imply someone a bit self-centred who perhaps tries to make themselves the main character in other people’s lives. So, while it might be a good thing to be your own main character, it’s not so nice to insist that you are everyone else’s.

It got me thinking about when I might project some ‘main character energy’. And, uncomfortably, reminded me of the person I can sometimes be on Mother’s Day. Because while for 364 days a year I might not have many expectations of being particularly celebrated as a mother, I think on Mother’s Day my expectations are a bit different.

I’m ashamed to admit that on Mother’s Days past, I have sometimes felt a bit disappointed, self-pitying and even had a fair dose of resentment toward my family members. We can bring to this day the expectation that we will be honoured and appreciated. We can harbour ideas in our mind of what that might look like and feel let down when it doesn’t pan out that way. Maybe no-one gives you that cup of tea or breakfast in bed. There are no heartfelt cards. The restaurant booking is not made. You spend the day honouring other mothers and feel forgotten. We think this will be the day when we feel like the main character, but we still end up washing dishes, adjudicating squabbles and dealing with everyone else’s emotions.

So, what do we do with that as Christians?

It has helped me to remember that as a follower of the risen Lord Jesus, I am never to make myself the main character. The gospel pattern is always to put God and others before self. We, like John the Baptist, are those who will say of Christ: ‘He must become greater; I must become less’ (John 3:30). As we are reminded in Philippians, we are to:

‘Do nothing out of selfish ambition or vain conceit. Rather, in humility value others above yourselves, not looking to your own interests but each of you to the interests of the others. In your relationships with one another, have the same mindset as Christ Jesus …’ (Philippians 2:3-5).

The mindset of our Lord, who humbled himself even to death for our sake, is to be our mindset too. We are to honour one another above ourselves (Romans 12:10). The gospel reorients everything, even how we approach Mother’s Day.

What would it look like for us to use Mother’s Day as a day to commit to honouring others above ourselves? One way I’m trying to shift my ‘main character energy’ this year is to approach this day not as a time when I expect to be thanked, but as a time when I’m especially thankful. I’m praying I can shift from grumbling to gratitude. Instead of the focus of the day being me feeling valued, I’m looking to value those who have given me the role of mother.

I want to verbally thank my children for making me a mother, thank my husband for partnering with me in parenting, and most of all, thank my God for giving me these precious relationships. And I’m not stopping at my family members! I want to thank God for the privilege of spiritually mothering others in the faith, and for those who have nurtured me, like the mother of Rufus did for  Paul (mentioned in Romans 16:13).

Because the great relief of the gospel is that my life is not a movie about me. It’s part of a far greater story, where Christ is the true centre and my greatest joy is not found in being honoured, but in giving my all to him.

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Jocelyn Loane is the author of Motherhood: How the Gospel Shapes our Purpose and Priorities and a contributor to Parenting in God's Family: Biblical Wisdom for Everyday Issues. She is married to Ed, and together they have five children. They have been serving in full-time ministry in a variety of contexts since 2008. They are a part of Naremburn Cammeray Anglican Church.

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