When your daughter becomes your sister

One of the surprises I enjoyed as a parent was experiencing the tipping point when one of my children suddenly hit puberty and turned into a young adult. As I noted in a previous post, it can come as quite a shock to experience the change in dynamics when children grow up, almost overnight.

More recently, as I was reading a very helpful book called Family Ministry Field Guide by Timothy Paul Jones, it struck me that not only was my child turning into an adult, but my daughter was actually becoming my Christian sister.

Timothy Paul Jones puts it this way:

“When the whole story of God frames every part of a family’s existence, parents don’t just see their children as sons and daughters. They also see their children as potential or actual brothers and sisters in Christ. When parents see their children not only as their children but also as their brothers and sisters, it changes everything.” (p. 71)

The author helped put into words something that was blindingly obvious, but easily overlooked.

You see, the time will come when my four children will no longer be under my care as a parent.

To a certain degree this will happen when each of them leaves home and starts their own family. But to a greater degree, it will happen fully once our time on this earth comes to end.

Timothy Paul Jones explains it like this:

“These daughters whom I adore will remain my children for this life only. I am the father of Hannah and Skylar until death, but - inasmuch as they embrace the gospel - I will remain their brother for all eternity. Put another way, if your children stand beside you in the glories of heaven, they will not stand beside you as your children (Luke 20:34-48) but as your blood-redeemed brothers and sisters, fellow heirs of God’s kingdom” (p. 75)

Is this how you see your growing family? Do you consider them to be a group of brothers and sisters who will stand alongside you as you gather around the heavenly throne of Christ? Or do you just see them through the lens of earthly parenthood?

How does this effect how we parent our children?

If I have understood Timothy Paul Jones correctly, he seems to suggest that this means we need to think primarily of the salvation of our children, as a higher priority than bringing them up as family members. In other words, the most important thing I can do for my kids is to disciple them.

There are many times in my years of youth ministry that I have wished that Christian parents would give priority to the discipleship of their children. But now as a parent myself, with teenage children no less, I see how easy it is to focus on bringing my kids up to be citizens of earth, not fellow-believers in heaven. It is painfully simple to be distracted by the worldly priorities of parenting.

But, it also reminds me that as my kids turn into older kids and then teenagers and then young adults, I should be preparing to transition to a relationship where I will sit along side them as Christian peers, sitting alongside them under the word of God.

So, I need to set up patterns for life where I teach my kids that our Father in heaven is the one we should follow as king, as I seek to lovingly teach and admonish them as their earthly father.

My experience of relating to my teenagers as spiritual siblings has brought a richness to our relationship. Sometimes I have been pleasantly surprised (and deeply thankful) for the way that my children have encouraged me through the scriptures and have spoken words of wisdom from the Spirit of God.

I love being a dad and bringing up the kids God has given me … but I now also am experiencing the joy of the rich fellowship of being alongside these (ever-growing) little ones in Christ, as together we encourage one another, all the more as we see the day of the Lord approaching.

For more articles from Growing Faith, subscribe to our monthly e-newsletter.
To hear about the latest books and resources from Youthworks Media, subscribe here.