A theology of chores

As I stand outside my son’s bedroom door listening to him screaming in the throes of a tantrum, I wonder to myself, ‘Is this worth it?’

Because while I thought it was a reasonable expectation that my children complete their chores before turning the TV on, he apparently found the suggestion altogether unreasonable and is now, very loudly, communicating that opinion. 

It’s in these moments that I second guess myself, not sure if this is just the process of training my kids, or if I’m actually heading in the wrong direction. And as my confidence wanes, I ruminate over the various opinions about chores I’ve come across, particularly online. Maybe those other mums are right to defend their children’s magical childhood from responsibility and work, freeing them up for play and exploration and enjoyment. In these moments of conflict, it feels like I’m doing it wrong.

However true confidence is not gained through popular opinion, but in God’s will for our lives. What I believe to be true about chores, and work in general, really comes down to what God says to be good and true in his word. It comes down to a theology of chores. 

Wherever parents find themselves on the ‘chore spectrum’, there’s no denying that it is our theology that informs our practice, whether we realise it or not. If we find ourselves unsure about how we should approach a particular parenting dilemma, the sticking point is not usually that we don’t know how to do it, but that we don’t know what we believe. By contrast, when we have a theological framework, the practice itself doesn’t seem so difficult to figure out. 

With that in mind, let me share what our family believes about chores (and work in general), as one example of how you could approach that topic in your own home. 

I work because it is good

Perhaps the core conviction that underpins it all is that work is good. 

God works (Genesis 2:2), work was established in the Garden before the Fall (Genesis 2:15), and our hard work honours God (Colossians 3:23–24). It’s not something we simply endure, but is a gift from God. Through work we are able to take care of ourselves so we aren’t a burden on others (2 Thessalonians 3:6–10), provide for those under our care (1 Timothy 5:8), give generously to the work of the Lord (Proverbs 3:9), and help take care of God’s people (Ephesians 4:28). It is the usual mechanism by which God physically provides for his people. 

When we can appreciate and take joy in the work God gives us, we can then set an example for our children, and also set up practices that support their training. 

Why do I ask my children to do chores? Because work is good. 

It’s not something they will have to begrudgingly tolerate one day, but is a gift for them in order to care for themselves and love others. Through the ordinary practices of everyday life, we train them in how to live the Christian life. And as we work alongside each other, we encourage each other, speaking life into the seemingly mundane tasks before us. It’s never really about the dishes—it’s about the people who will eat off clean plates. And it’s not really about the toys—it’s about clearing space on the floor for others to walk safely. And when we fold our own washing? We take responsibility for our own needs so that others don’t need to. I’m not only teaching them the practical skills they’ll need throughout adulthood, I’m teaching them about who they are and their place in the world around them.

To pay or not to pay

… that is the question!

On the one hand, we want our children to contribute simply because they are members of the household; on the other hand, we want our children to learn the value of a dollar. 

Which is the right path? For us—both!

In our house, our children all learn to contribute to the running of the household from a young age, but once they start school, they also have the opportunity to start earning money from extra chores. There are some principles at play here:

Unpaid

All work is valuable, even unpaid work. 

We work because it’s good, not because we get something out of it.

Work is how we take care of ourselves and serve others.

Paid

Money comes from work.

God gives us money to enjoy and share.

Self-control today will help determine what tomorrow brings. 

Unpaid chores always start off small and increase in difficulty as they grow. For example, my four-year-olds fold the tea towels, my six-year-old folds and puts away all his clothes, and my ten-year-old can wash a load of towels from start to finish. And right from toddlerhood they are accustomed to picking up after themselves and taking care of their own things. 

It also helps to work together. At 5pm each day we light a candle, put some music on, and do a ‘blitz’ of the house for 30 minutes. It means their chores are done within a reasonable time, I’m not just waiting for their own motivation to kick in … and if I ever needed to call an ambulance, I wouldn’t feel too bad about letting the ambos in the front door! 

Then, once my kids are a bit older, and this work culture has been established, they can start to earn some money. They choose three chores outside of the usual expectations, and they earn three dollars a week to start off with. My ten-year-old takes the rubbish out each night, the bins out once a week, and he does a load of towels once a week. My six-year-old takes the recycling out each night, fills up the toilet paper, and empties the bathroom bin once a week. If they don’t do it, they don’t get paid. I don’t chase and I don’t nag—it’s their responsibility. Once they’re paid, their money is split into ‘give, save, spend’ so they can also learn to manage it. And if they’d like a pay rise, they need to present the reasons why they ought to be paid more, and how their responsibilities will increase. 

Our money is God’s, so it’s important to learn how to use it in a way that honours him. 

Working towards tomorrow

As I stood outside my son’s bedroom door, listening to him yell in frustration, I reminded myself of these things—of the why behind the task. Because it would be far easier to just do it myself, keep the peace, and save myself the emotional toll. But that doesn’t serve my child, or the man God is growing him to be. It’s not about the chores, it’s about who he will be tomorrow. 

And I can happily report that a year on, those arguments which used to occur daily, are now few and far between now. In fact, he’s often the one getting the rest of the kids together of an afternoon and announcing that they all better get on with it so they’ll be free to do other things. Which, I think, is a good lesson for us all. 

Bible verses to repeat and memorise

• 1 Corinthians 10:31: ‘... do everything for the glory of God.’
• Colossians 3:23–24: ‘Whatever you do, work at it with all your heart, as working for the Lord… It is the Lord Christ you are serving.’
• Philippians 2:14–15: ‘Do everything without grumbling and arguing, so that you may become blameless and pure, children of God.’
• Proverbs 14:23: ‘All hard work brings a profit, but mere talk leads only to poverty’.Proverbs 13:4: ‘A sluggard’s appetite is never filled, but the desires of the diligent are fully satisfied.’

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Leah is a children’s minister by trade, a mother of four, and an enthusiastic Sydney Anglican. She is the founder of Raising Disciples where she shares ideas and resources on how to disciple children within the home.

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