An open letter to a mother suffering from a miscarriage

Dear Sister,

If you’re reading this letter, then I assume you—or someone you dearly love—is suffering from a miscarriage. You didn’t plan to walk this painful path, and perhaps only hours or days ago you were making very different plans. Having already welcomed a little one into your heart, you eagerly anticipated welcoming a newborn into your family and home. Instead, you’re left with an empty womb, empty arms, and an empty cradle. Your heart is full of sorrow, and your eyes overflow with tears.

I want to start by saying I’m truly sorry. I’m sorry—as I imagine those who love you are also sorry, though they may struggle to express themselves or to know how to help you. We’re sorry for your layers of loss, your physical and emotional pain, this experience of death in a sacred space designed for life, and the sad impacts of sin in this fallen world (Genesis 3:16). Conception is supposed to mean newborn life, not premature death, and yet, here you are, facing one of your worst fears. It can be difficult, if not impossible, to wrap one’s mind around this reality. And it can be equally challenging to wake up another morning to the same heartache and emptiness.

You may feel at a loss for words right now. That’s OK. You might overflow with questions. That’s OK too. But keep looking to Jesus.

My hope in writing this letter is to meet you where you are. To join you as you stare death in the face and declare that it won’t have the final say. It won’t be the end of your story. There is hope beyond the grave because Jesus lives.

Fight the lies

When I miscarried my baby, it took months to identify some of the lies I was entertaining. Whether you’re still reeling from a recent test result or you’ve been walking this path for a while, maybe you’re tempted to believe that your body’s struggle to conceive and sustain a pregnancy is your fault, that it’s some kind of retribution for your past sins, or even that you’re cursed.

These are all lies. They aren’t true.

If you are a Christian, saved by grace through faith in Jesus, then our Lord took the curse for your sins in his body on the cross (Galatians 3:13). You are redeemed. Your baby didn’t die for your sins; Jesus did. And through his life, you now live.

Your miscarriage doesn’t imply that God doesn’t love or care about you. We need to fight these lies with the truth of Scripture, which declares that nothing ‘in all creation’ will be able to separate God’s adopted, beloved daughters from his love (Romans 8:39)—not even infertility, miscarriage, premature birth, or a stillbirth.

Instead of letting lies loop in your head, ‘take every thought captive to obey Christ’ (2 Corinthians 10:6) and ‘think about what is true’ (Philippians 4:8). How do you do this? Keep reading God’s word (even in bite-size chunks), play worship music (find your spiritual ‘fight’ songs), listen to Sunday’s sermon (even if you’re recovering at home), and ask a friend to pray for you (especially when it’s hard for you to pray). Remind yourself of what is true [https://www.crossway.org/articles/10-truths-for-moms/].

You are not alone

Though you may feel very alone right now, especially if you hadn’t yet shared the news of your pregnancy with your broader circle of friends and family, you join a fellowship of mothers who grieve a multitude of sorrows related to motherhood. More importantly, Jesus, our Saviour, was ‘a man of sorrows and acquainted with grief’ (Isaiah 53:3). He understands our suffering and sympathises with our weaknesses, and when we draw near to him, we can expect to ‘receive mercy and find grace to help in our time of need’ (Hebrews 4:16).

Perhaps you’ve been surrounded by supportive people who’ve wept with you and brought meals. If so, they are evidence of God’s care for you. But when your friends must move on with their lives, or should an extended family member suggest it’s time for you to get over your grief, our Lord continues to walk with you on your journey. He says, ‘Fear not, for I am with you’ (Isaiah 41:10), and he will never leave or forsake you (Joshua 1:5; Hebrews 13:5). ‘A bruised reed he will not break, and a faintly burning wick he will not quench’ (Isaiah 42:3), so surely the Lord will be merciful to you—his daughter—on your hardest days. He is perfectly loving, always patient, and kind (1 Corinthians 13:4). And he has good purposes for you in the process of your lament and healing.

God intends to teach you truths as you walk this difficult path. There are treasures he will give you in this dark season (Isaiah 45:3). It’s his plan to make you more like Jesus (Romans 8:38–39). And there’s future, eternal glory he is storing up for you (2 Corinthians 4:17).

We grieve as women who share a living hope because of our risen Saviour.

God’s comfort is yours

Scripture may not spell out all the answers to all your questions. You might not know what went wrong, if you will ever carry a baby full-term, how long your heart will ache, why God allows such deep suffering, or how to think about your baby and eternity. Mystery surrounds miscarriage, and Deuteronomy 29:29 tells us that ‘the secret things belong to the LORD our God’. However, the same verse continues, declaring that ‘the things that are revealed belong to us and to our children forever’. And sister, what God has revealed offers great comfort to hurting moms.

First, Psalm 139 assures us that our Lord forms life in the womb. Your little one’s developing frame wasn’t hidden from him. Our God, who is everywhere, was in that place. Before an ultrasound or heartbeat was detected, our all-knowing God saw your little one’s ‘unformed substance’, and in his book, every day of your baby’s life was written. How precious are such thoughts!

Next, you have the comfort of God’s character and his promises. You know the ‘Father of mercies and God of all comfort, who comforts us in all our affliction’ (2 Corinthians 1:3–4). He is holy, wise, sovereign, good, faithful, gracious, forgiving, powerful and so much more. Therefore, we can trust his great promises to sustain, strengthen and help us (1 Peter 1:3–5). You might find it helpful to meditate on the attributes of God [https://katiefaris.com/wp-content/uploads/2025/01/the-attributes-of-god-chart-every-hour-i-need-you.pdf].

As you depend on the Lord, he won’t allow you to be tempted beyond your ability, ‘but with the temptation he will also provide the way of escape, that you may be able to endure it’ (1 Corinthians 10:13). And you can bank on the sufficiency of God’s grace, for his ‘power is made perfect in weakness’ (2 Corinthians 12:9). Cling to these truths today. And if that’s hard to do, ask the Lord to help you.

Grieve with hope

On this side of eternity, we grieve our losses—the little ones we carried but didn’t hold, the everyday moments we will miss and the celebrations that won’t take place. But we don’t grieve ‘as others do who have no hope’ (1 Thessalonians 4:13). Rather, we grieve as women who share a living hope because of our risen Saviour.

Our heavenly Father knows what it is like not only to suffer the loss of a beloved child but to give his very Son. ‘For God so loved the world, that he gave his only Son, that whoever believes in him should not perish but have eternal life’ (John 3:16). Our hope, for ourselves as well as our families, rests only and completely in this precious gift. Because of the gospel:

we have the hope of Jesus

we have the hope of heaven

we have the hope that, one day, all things will be made new, all our tears will be wiped away, and death will be no more (Revelation 21:4).

Do you feel needy? Look to Jesus. Do you feel weary or faint-hearted? Consider him and take heart (Hebrews 12: 1–3). Though today might be dark and cloudy, the Lord walks with you, and you can grieve with hope.

In Christ,

Katie

Article published and used by permission of Crossway [https://www.crossway.org/articles/an-open-letter-to-a-mother-suffering-from-a-miscarriage/], a publishing ministry of Good News Publishers, Wheaton, IL 60187, www.crossway.org.

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Katie Faris is the author of God Is Still Good; He Will Be Enough and Loving My Children. She is also a contributing writer to several blogs including The Gospel Coalition and The Focused Pastor. A pastor’s wife and mother to five, Katie lives with her family in New Jersey. To learn more, visit katiefaris.com.

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