Fighting for joy

Joy. It’s a funny little word. It seems to be an important one, as it is often mentioned as a way that we are to approach God. I have always found it to be an odd inclusion amongst the fruit of the Spirit mentioned in Galatians 5. While this list shows a clear example of what it means to be a ‘good neighbour’, joy has stood out to me as seemingly other—almost too inward focused. 

The funny thing is, those who do exemplify joy are anything but inward focused. Holding joy in our lives creates a domino effect of other characteristics: peace, contentment, forgiveness, kindness. How wonderful that God would encourage us to pursue these things—despite our circumstances—to encourage others, when it simultaneously benefits us.  

In this article, I am primarily referring to a Christian definition of joy—a good feeling in the soul, produced by the Holy Spirit, as he causes us to see the beauty of Christ in the word and the world. But I am also using ‘joy’ in a more general sense of ‘happiness’—feeling or showing pleasure. Sometimes joy simply means getting lost in a moment of pure fun or ‘enjoyment’. As Christians, we have every reason to experience both kinds of joy. 

What is happening to joy in our children? 

In his book Hold on to Your Kids, Gordon Neufeld speaks of the younger generation as children and teens who have been observed to be ‘less innocent and naive, lacking, it seems, the wide-eyed wonder that leads a child to have excitement for the world, for exploring the wonders of nature, or of human creativity. Many children seem inappropriately sophisticated, even jaded in some ways, a pseudo maturity before their time.’ In other words, our children are experiencing less joy.

This statement became evident to me when I attended a youth conference with my children last year. It was a wonderful experience, not only spending more time with my own girls, but also getting a glimpse into the lives of the growing teens around me. While there was bubbly chatter and the noise was remarkably loud (I must be getting old!), Neufeld’s comments rang true. There was no wide-eyed wonder. There was a lack of joy within these teens. I have no doubt that they were having a great time, but something about their experience struck me. There was an unnamed heaviness that settled around them with the fog and the lights.

How can we help grow joy? 

The teen years are such a small portion of our children’s lives, but for many, the overwhelming pressure of adolescent identity-formation can feel all encompassing. My aim as a parent is to help my children step away from the heaviness that plagues them. When the situation calls for it, I can help provide perspective on an issue that for them may seem insurmountable, but in reality, it is something small that will no doubt work itself out. Not taking oneself, or one’s own ‘first world problems’ too seriously is a great gift.

Christian culture in general naturally lends itself to this through our faith practices. That is, Christians see themselves as part of a global church that stretches across time and space. We are regularly exposed to different cultures by way of charitable support and as we learn from missionaries, both in our own backyard and those living in the remotest parts of the world. Reading stories from history, whether biblical or not, and hearing from Christians around the world can remind our teens that they are not the first or only ones to tread the difficult paths of life.  

Holding back the desire of our teens to grow up before their time is another safeguard in the world of overwhelm for our children. ‘Patience, my young Padawan’ (a quote from Star Wars!), is a common phrase I use in our home when faced with questions about makeup and clothes and movies that are just out of reach of my ready-to-grow-up girls. They understand the deeper meaning—their time will come; they need to be responsible and ready for it. 

My husband and I have begun focusing on more instant ways to usher in light through the pursuit of our own joy. Though I am certainly not the first to note that an easy joke, a foolish face, or a silly dance can lighten a mood considerably, it isn’t something that comes naturally to me. I am, however, fortunate that my husband is a perpetual child-at-heart, and his willingness to play at any given moment reminds me to lay down my own seriousness and embrace the silly side of life—if only for a little while. I earnestly try to fight against my inclination to shout ‘NO!’ in our home when I know the ensuing game/experiment/baking expedition is going to result in more mess to clean. Giving kids the space to play is an important part of them feeling free to do so. 

I am generally wary of screen time, but as the girls get older, we have incorporated the addition of television to our evening routine. We now gather to watch a sitcom together as a family. This has resulted in many a wonderful belly laugh, which has proved immeasurably good for the soul, and the wellbeing of our growing kids. 

Fighting back the heaviness

I wonder whether God’s emphasis on joy is that in his infinite wisdom, he knows what life can become in its absence. He understands the need for us to keep a lightness in the way we move through the world. I am not talking about escapism here, but rather a tempering of the heavy—our responsibilities and the challenges we must face—with the light. It is as important to contend with the solemness of Job as it is the pure joy of Psalm 100. 

I am challenged as I write these words—I often need to remind myself to step away from my own head. To take a dance break, to join that nerf gun war that interrupts my dinner schedule and is far too loud for me (Did I mention I’m getting older?). Grumpiness seems to have a gravitational pull on me—I don’t know whether that is due to ageing, or having let go of the constant need to resist it. I look around at the older generation, and it is easy to see those who have had the ability to resist the pull of the heaviness of the world, and those who have not. We need to fight against it, for the sake of ourselves and the sake of our kids—that we might allow the fullness of God’s joy to be found in us. We need to keep reminding ourselves to be ‘wide-eyed children of wonder’ who can find the everyday joy in our world, and in God’s word. 

Psalm 100

A psalm. For giving grateful praise.

Shout for joy to the Lord, all the earth.
    Worship the Lord with gladness;
    come before him with joyful songs.
Know that the Lord is God.
    It is he who made us, and we are his;
    we are his people, the sheep of his pasture.

Enter his gates with thanksgiving
    and his courts with praise;
    give thanks to him and praise his name.
For the Lord is good and his love endures for ever;
    his faithfulness continues through all generations.

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Kate Thompson is an aspiring novelist and baby theologian. When Kate isn't constructing worlds of her own, she can be found reading the classics to her girls (not the boring ones) or trotting around the globe, with or without her family.

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