Applying parental wisdom in the modern world

There have been many wonderful benefits to come out of the modern parenting movement. Overall, parents today seem more engaged in their children’s lives than in  previous generations. Children seem to be happier to spend time with their parents. I remember being mortally embarrassed to walk around the shops with my mum when I was a teenager, but that kind of embarrassment seems to be far less common now.

Mums and dads seem to share the load more equally. Driving to activities, showing up to games, cheering from the sidelines. Many parents make a real effort to understand the things their children care about—the games they play, the music they listen to, the secret online language of memes and abbreviations.

In many ways, this is a good thing.

But there is a subtle shift that can creep in alongside the good intentions. The desire to be relevant to our children.

Being curious about what our children care about is healthy. My daughters and I share some common interests, and those are a joy to us. At the same time, there are many things they care about that I personally don’t. I still pay attention to them—not because I like them, but because they matter to my kids.

This system works well when it is in the right order. But when our desire to be relevant begins to outweigh our responsibility as parents, we run into trouble.

Our children have many friends. They only have one set of parents. And it is our God-given role to approach our children with wisdom. As our classic parental mantra goes,

‘Start children off on the way they should go, and even when they are old, they will not turn from it.’ Psalm 22:6

What is wisdom?

Wisdom in one of those words that is easy to talk about, but whose exact meaning is difficult to pin down. We can recognise it when we see it; we can point to moments when someone acted wisely. But putting it into practice—especially in parenting—is much more challenging.

A simple definition might look a little something like this: Wisdom is knowing the right thing to do and then doing it. Straightforward, right?

Add the complexity of raising children, fatigue, busy schedules and children who may not agree, it becomes far more complex.

Easy moments/hard moments

Some situations make wisdom easy to see. A toddler runs towards the road. The loving and wise thing for a parent to do is obvious. Stop them immediately. The child might cry. They might be upset with their parents. But everyone understands the parent did the right thing. Wisdom is clear when the danger is immediate.

But parenting is rarely that simple. As children grow into teenagers, situations become more complex. The dangers are less immediate and less visible. The ‘right thing’ is harder to determine.

Holding firm to what we believe is wise becomes much more challenging when our children disagree with us. Part of wisdom is also knowing when not to intervene. Sometimes the wise choice is allowing our children to fail—safely—so they can develop their own judgement. Experiencing disappointment, making mistakes and dealing with the consequences helps them build trust in their own decision-making.

Without experience, our older children cannot develop their own wisdom. There are also moments when wisdom means insisting that something difficult must be endured. We cannot protect our children from every uncomfortable situation. In fact, doing so would harm them. Growth rarely comes from comfort.

Author Arthur Brooks talks often about the importance of enduring struggles in order to build resilience and meaning rather than avoiding hardship altogether. That’s where parental wisdom comes in. We need to use our experience to encourage our children along the way, rather than move the obstacles out of their way. Children become stronger not by avoiding challenge, but by learning they can overcome it.

Small, everyday decisions

Often, the biggest opportunities for wisdom appear in the smallest moments. Take a simple trip to the shops. Your child asks for a treat. It is easy to say yes. It keeps the peace and avoids complaints. But repeated often enough, and that simple decision can create a pattern. It may encourage entitlement. It might teach children to deal with boredom through consumption. It might become a form of bribery—behave and you’ll get something.

On the other hand, buying a treat might also create a joyful memory between parent and child. So, which is it?

The answer takes wisdom. Are you building a loving moment, or reinforcing a habit that will cause problems later? There is no single rule. Sometimes it’s the treat, other time it’s a complete treat embargo! Wise parenting requires discernment, paying attention to patterns, motives and outcomes.

The quiet advantage of parents

One of the quiet advantages of being a parent is time. The beauty of getting older is the perspective gained. We have lived longer. Seen more. Experienced more. This matters.

Staying connected to our children’s world is important. It helps them feel seen and understood. But relevance is not the primary goal. We are raising them not just for today, but for the future. For lives that honour God and serve others.

Parenting with the future in mind

So, how do we practise wisdom, practically?

Even before I was a parent, I reverse engineered my parenting. I would talk to parents whose children I saw to be respectful, confident and genuinely kind, and ask them what they did. I still do this. I ask so many people! I also ask adults and teens what their parents have done well and see what things I can apply.

I am careful to respond to my kids in a way that considers their future, not just their current desire. Are they behaving entitled? Perhaps a walk in the bush is an antidote.

There are moments when I am too harsh, too lenient, too tired, or quite frankly, too unsure. In those moments, wisdom may look like humility. Apologising to our children models something powerful. It shows them that we are not perfect, and that repentance, growth and grace are a part of our family life.

In the end, our children don’t need us to understand every trend, every meme, or every piece of slang. They don’t need us to know what ‘6–7’ means. They have friends for that. What they need are parents who bring something far more valuable to the relationship: wisdom.

Wisdom sees further down the road. Wisdom balances love with boundaries. Wisdom allows failure and insists on perseverance. Wisdom that chooses the long-term good over the short-term peace. Because long after the slang changes and trends fade, the quiet influence of that wisdom will remain.

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Kate Thompson is an aspiring novelist and baby theologian. When Kate isn't constructing worlds of her own, she can be found reading the classics (not the boring ones) to her girls  or trotting around the globe, with or without her family.

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