Five tools for day-to-day discipleship

I vividly remember being handed my daughter, firmly wrapped with a little hat on her head, moments after she was born. I was a parent!

Before her birth, I had consumed baby books. To swaddle or not swaddle? When to wean? How to baby-proof your house. How to help babies sleep (I never actually nailed that one). I was prepared!

But after just a few weeks, all of that subsided into the day-to-day reality of parenting a colicky, unpredictable, sleep-resistant tiny human. Just getting through the day with a meal on the table at dinner time was a triumph. And so we muddled through, learning on the job.

Until someone invited me to a parenting course when my daughter was six. I didn’t really want to go, but didn’t want to offend the nice mum who’d invited me. So up I rocked … and discovered it was amazing! I learned so much stuff! For the first time in my life, I realised that parenting didn’t have to be just a mishmash of trying hard and vaguely copying what your parents had done. There were skills you could learn. There were tools to help you manage tantrums, ideas for setting appropriate boundaries, and so much more. I felt like I’d gone from the vaguest of vague parents to someone who was starting to know what she was doing and parent proactively. 

Here at Parenting for Faith we meet many parents whose heart’s desire is that, above all, their children meet and know God—but they don’t really know how to do that. Spiritual parenting can feel like a mishmash of trying hard—praying lots, going to church, reading them Bible stories, insisting they join the youth group—and vaguely copying what you saw your parents do, or what others are doing around you.

But there is another way. And it involves simply utilising the parenting tools you already have and use every day. Because, as Deuteronomy 6:4–9 tells us, God’s design for discipling is that it happens in the everyday: the everyday of walking down the road together, of putting kids to bed, of chatting over dinner. God’s design is that spiritual parenting is woven in and through our family’s days as naturally as we parent them in good manners or managing their anxiety.

We call these the five key tools: tools that you can keep in your back pocket, ready to help you to proactively disciple your kids of any age as you go about your everyday lives—whatever that looks like for you. 

This new year, as your mind wanders to the dreams of what 2023 might bring, why not pick one or two tools to start using in your house?

Key tool #1: Creating windows

Parents and carers spend their lives showing their children how to do things—sometimes intentionally, sometimes just by being themselves.  When your toddler drives her imaginary car, she even changes gears and checks her mirrors. Because that’s how kids learn—by watching and copying. So if we allow our kids glimpses—little windows—into our lives with God, we’re showing them how to have one of their own. 

Some things to try: 
•    When you see some faith-based thing that encourages you, share with your kid what poked your heart about it.
•    How do you connect best with God? Let them see or hear you doing it whether that's reading your Bible, listening to worship music or chatting to God during the day.

Key tool #2: Framing

A huge part of parenting is explaining the world to our children—from what toes are, to how to manage disappointment, to what the government is doing and why. Kids also need to know how to see the spiritual side of the world, to learn who God is and what he’s doing—when they are at school, in a disaster, when they are lonely and so much more. We can do this as we read the Bible together, as we explain things and as we answer their questions. 

Some things to try: 
•    Read a Bible story together and wonder together what God was doing at different points in the story.
•    Explain to your kid about a time when God helped you do something. What did God do? What did you do?

Key tool #3: Unwinding

Part of parenting is helping our kids when they misunderstand something or someone—whether that’s a situation at school, or ‘horrible’ Aunty Maud. Kids get their ideas about God from all sorts of places and can sometimes misunderstand him, which may mean they don’t want to connect with him. As we spiritually parent, we can help kids develop a full and deep view of God, and as we discover how they see God we can gently unwind any unbalanced views. 

Some things to try: 
•    Ask your kid to draw a picture of them and God or ask them which character in their favourite movie is most like God. What do you notice about their view of God?
•    As you read Bible stories together, choose some which capture different sides of God’s character: saviour, healer, the jealous God, almighty, comforter etc., so that your child begins to build up a bigger picture of God.

Key tool #4: Chat and catch

Such a lot of our parenting energy is spent on helping our children build good and healthy relationships. As Christians, the greatest gift we can give to our kids is the confidence and ability to connect with their Father God in prayer: chatting to him about everything and catching what he is communicating to them. ‘Chat and catch’ is simply a way of encouraging an informal yet deep prayer life that works for all ages. 

Some things to try:
•    Chat out loud to God yourself—share what’s on your heart in front of your children in the words you’d usually use with God.
•    Talk about the ways you catch God’s communications. Is it the same for your kids?

Key tool #5: Surfing the waves

We love encouraging our kids, spotting their passions and talents and helping them pursue their dreams. From buying their first soccer boots, to driving miles each week to band practice, that’s what we do! And we can do that for them spiritually too. God places talents and passions in our kids. Some will last a lifetime, others just a while as they figure out who they are and what God’s calling them to be. But it’s our joy to jump on board to help them ‘surf the wave’ of that for as long as it lasts. 

Some things to try:
•    What have you already spotted in your child that you think might be from God? Chat to God and ask him for your next steps to help your child surf this wave.
•    Ask your child 'If you had a million pounds/dollars to help people, what would you do with it and why?' This might give you some clues about what God is doing in their heart.

Which of these tools could you start to use in 2023?

For more about the five key tools, head to the Parenting for Faith website. Or if you’d like to dig deeper, why not look at the free, eight-week course that unpacks these ideas. 
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Becky Sedgwick works for UK ministry Parenting for Faith, writing their resources. Before this, she worked as a Children and Families Worker at St James’ Church, Devizes, UK where she ran Parenting for Faith courses. 
 

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