The fine balance of Christian parenting

In the first volume of Parenting in God’s Family: Biblical Wisdom for Everyday Issues, I suggested this definition for Christian parenting:

Christian parenting means receiving children as gifts from God, reflecting his fatherly love to them and taking responsibility for their apprenticeship in life and faith. At the same time, Christian parenting means acknowledging our human limitations and introducing our children to their perfect heavenly Father and his spiritual family.

Christian parenting is done by men and women who have been adopted into God’s own family by faith in Jesus, God’s perfect firstborn Son. Christian parents are those who are trusting in Jesus for forgiveness and eternal life, and who are empowered by God’s Spirit to grow more like him—and who encourage their children to follow their example in this. Christian parents and their children belong to the wider spiritual family of believers—as children of the one heavenly Father, God.

As I have reflected further on this, it has become clear to me that Christian parenting also involves balancing—or holding in tension—a number of different truths about the context in which we are raising our children.

• Christian parents are raising their children in creation—within the natural, created order of human life. But we are also raising our children as finite beings in a fallen world, where sickness, death, sin and confusion mean that our families sometimes fall short of God’s creational ideals.

• Christian parents are responsible in Christ for raising our children to know, love and follow him. And yet we do this in a changing world that is often working against us.

• Christian parents bear the primary responsibility for discipling their own children, but they do this within the Church, the larger family of God, which also has a responsibility to pass the faith on to the next generation.

• Finally, Christian parenting is a pressing responsibility of life in this world, and yet we raise our children in the light of eternity, where earthly relationships will be overshadowed by our ultimate relationship with God.

So Christian parenting means being aware of ‘where’ we are raising our children. Our families are living in creation, in a fallen world, in Christ, in a changing world, within the Church and in the light of eternity—all at once.

In creation

Christian families live within the created order of God’s world. Genesis teaches us that God created human beings in his image—male and female together—to ‘fill’, rule over and care for the earth as God’s representatives (Genesis 1:26–28). Christian married couples still rightly expect the creational blessing of being able to ‘be fruitful and increase in number’ as they join together in sexual union (Genesis 1:28). However, in our technological age, the issue of the conception of children has become ethically complex. In Chapter 2, Megan Best helps Christian couples to consider the ethics of using contraception; in Chapter 3, she guides us through some principles to consider regarding the assisted reproductive technology of in-vitro fertilisation (IVF).

God created human beings with sexual difference—they are born either male or female (Genesis 1:27). Nowhere is this more apparent than in the process of human reproduction. Biologically speaking, mothers and fathers have different roles in the conception, gestation, birth and nurture of babies. Building on this creational foundation, the Bible describes mothers and fathers as having different roles within a family. In Chapter 4, Andrew Horsfield encourages fathers to take up their God-given role in bringing up their children within the family of God. In Chapter 5, I share some reflections on the topic of motherhood and work.

In line with God’s creational design, the Christian ideal is for children to be born within the context of a stable and strong marriage between their father and their mother. (It is important to also acknowledge that, since we live in a fallen world, this may not always be possible.) In Chapter 6, Keith and Sarah Condie share some wise advice for keeping marriages healthy.

… but finite in a fallen world

Christian parents raise their children within the created order, but the world we inhabit has also been affected by the fall into sin of our first parents, Adam and Eve. Family life on earth is often afflicted by sickness, death, sin and confusion.

In Chapter 7, Donna Toulmin encourages us in the task of raising our children to be good stewards of the earth in the context of climate crisis.

In Chapter 8, Ruth Barry shares her experiences and advice for walking through suffering and grief as a family. In Chapter 9, Ruth continues with some reflections on giving and receiving practical Christian love in these times. In Chapter 10, one mother shares some thoughts on how Christian parents like her might respond to a child experiencing same-sex attraction. In Chapter 11, Patricia Weerakoon and Kamal Weerakoon give some advice on how to help a teenager who is confused about their gender.

Christian parents struggle not only with the effects of the Fall but also with our finitude—we are limited human beings raising more limited human beings. In Chapter 12, Kate Morris helps us to see that embracing our human limitations can actually bring freedom, especially when raising children who are neurodivergent.

Responsible in Christ

The next big truth for Christian parents to hold on to is that we are responsible in Christ for raising our children to know, love and follow him. In Chapter 13, Annemarie Rivers explains how engaging in spontaneous ‘God conversations’ at home is an important aspect of passing on lasting faith. In Chapter 14, Al James explores another facet of family discipleship: raising children who serve others.  In Chapter 15, Kaye Chalwell and Leisa Bromley explain how parents can partner with their children’s school in setting their children up for lifelong learning.

… in a changing world

Raising our children in Christ is challenging in our rapidly changing world. We live in a society whose values and norms are moving away from traditional Christian morality. In Chapter 16, Jenn Phillips helps us to consider how we can talk about ‘tricky’ topics—things our neighbours and friends think very differently about—with our children.

Our modern lives are also busy and hectic, and the internet keeps us constantly connected to the news and opinions of the wider world. In the developed world, life for the average person has never been so comfortable and prosperous—yet mental health has never been so bad.

In Chapter 17, Alexis Hudson offers six habits for building mental health in our families. In Chapter 18, James and Simone Boswell encourage us to consider the impact of technology use on our children’s development and discipleship. In Chapter 19, James continues with a look at how to parent wisely in an age of artificial intelligence.

… but within the Church

The good news for Christian parents is that while we bear the primary responsibility for our children’s discipleship in a changing world, we don’t have to do it alone. Christian parents and their children belong to the wider ‘family’ of a local Christian church. In Chapter 20, Tim Beilharz explains the value of intergenerational discipleship for the development of our children’s faith.

However, parenting within a Christian community does have its challenges. We can be tempted to put up a facade and hide our struggles because we want other Christians to see us as a ‘good Christian parents’. In Chapter 21, Kat Ashton Israel encourages us that being honest and vulnerable with other Christian parents actually helps us all to grow towards godliness.

In light of eternity

While Christian parenting is a pressing responsibility of life in this world, it’s helpful to keep in mind that we are also parenting in the light of eternity. We are not just seeking to raise ‘decent human beings’, but we are also seeking, under God, to raise children who will become our brothers and sisters in Christ—fellow children of our perfect heavenly Father. When Jesus returns and brings us into the new heavens and earth, we pray that our earthly children will be standing there with us—freed from the struggles of life in a fallen world and the distractions of life in this age—worshipping God together with all God’s people.

And I heard a loud voice from the throne saying, ‘Look! God’s dwelling place is now among the people, and he will dwell with them. They will be his people, and God himself will be with them and be their God. “He will wipe every tear from their eyes. There will be no more death” or mourning or crying or pain, for the old order of things has passed away’. (Revelation 21:3–4)

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